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To whom it may concern. [30 Jan 2005|12:11am]
I dont update this. I use brkn_silhoutte. But, I just wanted to do this. I dont know why. I dont even know what I plan on saying.

I haven't been myself lately. Not in the slightest. I hope those of you who love me, if you really do, will understand this.

Know that there are things that bother me that I cannot talk about. Really dumb things. Talking about them makes me feel like an idiot. I guess some of the things I'll try to write here. Because, I dont know if you'll read this.

I have serious jealousy problems. To the point that it makes me hate people. Im such an over-posesive person, especially with my friends. If they hang out w/o me. I get jealous. If they are going o/w someone. I get jealous. And it may seem like I am mad, but Im not. Im just SO jealous.

I dont have a heart. Why? Because its been broken so many many times. This is one of my major problems. Liking people. Because for some reason, I am never liked back. And that, breaks my heart. The person I like right now.. yeah, since this wont be friends only I cant type it.. haha, but everyone knows. Apparently its obvious. And its obvious that he doesnt feel the same way. I dont want to like this kid, for a lot of reasons.. but I still do. The only way I can stop is by hating him.. and I've tried that, it didnt work. But its ok, I guess. In 4 months I will probably never see him again. I could of easily avoided him all together. I dont know why I didnt. Maybe because Im a pedofile. :p

I cant just open up. Especially to people who dont open up to me. I like to be on a close level with my friends, especially my best friends. If you read this, I want you to know. You can talk to me about anything. Anything at all. I dont care what its about. Tonight I had a discussion about pubic hair with someone. Awkward, but funny. I dont like to be uncomfortable around my friends. And when I can tell there is something wrong and they dont tell me about it, I get uncomfortable.

I feel like I've lost. I dont know why exactly. Perhaps because I feel a great distance between me and my friends. Perhaps because I've fucked up with my grades. Perhaps because Im sitting here alone in my room, writing this and am completely worried that someone I care about is mad at me.

I miss the summer.
I miss being a winner.
I miss being young. When it was so easy to have fun. When problems werent so big and neither were the consquences.

You can comment if you want. I would enjoy that.
8 can't|x| Hold me

[29 Nov 2004|01:28am]
I have a new livejournal b/c I was sick of using this stupid spelled wrong name :)

Now I have: http://www.livejorunal.com/users/brkn_silhouette
2 can't|x| Hold me

[29 Nov 2004|12:54am]
[ mood | tired ]

Important things that happened over Thanksgiving break.

.Kidnapping Shley w/ Nicole on Wednesday and hanging out
.Hanging out with Nicole, Shley, Emily, and Jona Thanksgiving night
.Picking out a secret santa
.Getting up at 5 am to go shopping w/ Jona and Emily
.Waiting in line for 1 hour at coconuts for a really shity Frankie/Bing CD
.Getting a Johnny Depp Pillow Case
.Korena, Rhianna, and Beth visiting me at Express
.Getting in trouble at at Express b/c customers are retarded
.Anne and Owen visitng me at Express
.Brenda visiting me at Express
.Seeing Budicky and Jess in the mall and trying to call for them while still in Express
.Partying my ass off Friday night w/ a shitload of people who are cool like Nicole, Jona, Emiy, Shley, Crystal, Zach, Tim, Ricky, Josh and Troy.
.Getting to see Maria, Anne, Rosella, Tommy, Berta, and Kirk for a total 1/2 hour :)
.Shopping w/ my mommy and getting mucho xmas presents and a few things for myself
.Getting a snowflake dress for 25$
.Going to Nicoles and having Jamie read my Tarrot Cards
.Taking Nicole back to Juniata today
.Watching the Chamber of Secrets with Shley today

That end the exciting happenings for my weekend.

Tomorrow I will be shopping w/ my mommy and doing lots and lots of homework. Joy for me. This week includes a lot of school work, a lot of rest, a chocolate milk party friday, and hopefully still a concert at SVC on saturday w/ the beautiful Krista.

I must say. Out of all the freshman boys there is only one I can tolerate and that is Matty P. Ask for all the other asshole freshman boys I know -- ROT IN HELL. For serious. I fucking hate them. And ask for people who can forever just blow off their "best friends" -- SUCK MY DICK!

I cant remember being more excited for Snowflake :)

I miss Jona and Nicole already! :( </3

Hold me

[28 Nov 2004|01:44pm]
[ mood | optimistic ]

I wish I could understand what I want to understand.

I wish I could do a lot of things.

Jamie read my cards. It told me how I need to stop being pessimistic b/c its keeping me from doing things I am able to do.

So, Im going to understand the best that I can.

And, Im going to try and do a lot of things.

Hold me

[27 Nov 2004|01:40pm]
I must say:

Shley, Jona, Nicole, Emily...

I love you, x's a million forever.
2 can't|x| Hold me

[26 Nov 2004|01:14am]
I've just been informed Mike has mono.

Hm.. Guess I know where I got it now.
1 can't|x| Hold me

[24 Nov 2004|01:39pm]
The casual girl
The casual girl

Which girl stereotype are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Hold me

[23 Nov 2004|10:31pm]

Your Beauty lies
in Mystery. Captivating, mysterious and alone. You
are the girl in the little
black number that no one seems to know, the eternal
mystery girl. You make it a
point to never let anyone know more about you than
you want them to and do a
very good job of it. You're there one minute and
gone the next leaving them in
wonder of who you really are. A mature and normally
calm individual, quiet and
enjoy spending many hours of the day on your own,
most likely preferring night
to day . You love the dark and some may find you a
bit strange. You seem to be
rather distant and cold making hard for people to
get close to you, though you
probably like the distance they usually keep. You
probably wear make-up, but
concentrate more around your eyes than anything.
You know the effect you have
and enjoy keeping people in wonder.

Some Things
That Represent You:

Dark, Water Animal: Panther Color:
Black, Maroon, Dark
Tones Song: In The Shadows by The Rasmus
Sly Smile

Black Diamond Mythological Creature: Demon,
Vampire Sign:
Scorpio Planet: Venus
Hair Color: Black Eye Color:

"In the shadows for all time."

Where Does Your Beauty Lie? ..::Original Pictures Are Back! Detailed Results::..
brought to you by Quizilla
Hold me

New York, Newwww Yoorrrrkkkk! [21 Nov 2004|07:40pm]
Thursday was the HIM concert. They were absoultely amazing, you dont know how amazing they really are until you've seen them live. The first band, Auf Der Maur was pretty good, but the second band... Monster Magnet, made me wish I were dead. Time for picturesCollapse )

So yesterday was the trip to NYC. OMG. Absoultely amazing. I've never seen anything more beautiful in my life..NYC, theres something about you...Collapse )
3 can't|x| Hold me

[21 Nov 2004|01:57pm]
Im not going into detail about my week because frankly the detail isnt any of your buisness. But I will share my pictures because they are hott :) To keep you excited... Ville Valo resembles Johnny Depp very much :) NYC was beautiful and I got my pic w/ Johnny and Tommy got his w/ Peter Parker.

Thats enough. I'll update later. I need to go work o/w my mafia sister.
Hold me

im in love [16 Nov 2004|06:50pm]
Hold me

[16 Nov 2004|06:21pm]
I dont know what Im feeling, but I know that its not good.

I dont like my sister living here with us.

I dont like a lot of things right now.

I miss a lot of people.

I dont know what to do. Im not changing myself. I am who I am.

Im really depressed. Im really alone. I hate feeling like this. I hate seeing people in love. I hate my parents fighting w/ my sister and my nephews. I hate this house.
Hold me

[14 Nov 2004|10:26pm]

and by little, i mean boys under the age of 17
1 can't|x| Hold me

roncy [14 Nov 2004|10:05pm]
[ mood | sore ]

If you cant except me and my flaws then dont talk to me. If you want to ignore me fine. I have nothing else to say.

I've been busy.

To recap quickly I've hung o/w AWESOME people this weekend such as... Shley, Maria, Anne, Nikki, Lindsey, Travis, Crystal, Nicole, Jona and Carolyn. My weekend was awesome.

My computer is being retarded.

Work was good this weekend. Nicole Jona Crystal and Carolyn were my first friends to visit me at work :)

I work again wed 5:30-10 if u want to visit me.

Thursday is HIM. YES!

maria and i made out work out plan today.

Im a busy child tomorrow.

My feet are soaking right now. It feels nice.

Some people are going to be expirencing their own medicine tomorrow. Its our turn to be shady!

happy bday stevie d!

2 can't|x| Hold me

its time to operate [08 Nov 2004|09:45pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

I got to school ontime today :) I win.

Phsyics wasnt too bad. McCombie just turned into a big Nazi since I left.

Soyka hates me and mother fucking Matt Lecomte took my mother fucking seat. WHAT THE FUCK!? Ew, I hate that kid more and more every mother fucking day! He needs to not listen to stories about my sister in chorus when I am OBVIOUSLY not talking to him. FAG.

My highlight of today was in lunch. I walk in and Travis is practically in tears from laughing so hard. Damn white rappers, they just so funny! haha

I skipped Arg/Deb cuz of my papaer. Which is now done. ;)

I went back for Chorus which was a total blow off since Mrs D wasnt there.

I got a college application in the mail today for NYU. Im so fucking excited!

After school Anne and Marko came home w/me. We watched Pirates and I worked on my paper. Then Anne went home. I fell asleep watching hocus pocus and I apparently snored very loudly. haha

Tomorrow night I have to sleep in the hospital :(

1 can't|x| Hold me

[06 Nov 2004|12:07am]
[ mood | okay ]

I've been really missed. I never thought Id be this missed. It kind of warmed my heart :)

Its amazing that when you really get to know a person a little more, how absolutely annoyin they are. Its pathetic how attraction and a crush can blind you.

This weekend Im going to write that speach and research paper. Marko said he would help me, I hope he wasnt just kiddin.

I have work on Sunday, 2-7, at Express in the Logan Valley Mall.. PLEASE come visit me! Id love it!

Today after school I hung out w/ my favorite people.. Maria, Anne, Marko, Nikki, Shley, and Z. I had a beautiful time. Anne Marko Nikki and I went to the mall, then to Vitos to eat and then to see Shley and Z.

Im so excited that Im going to Juniata tomorrow! I miss Jona and Nicole so bad. It just sucks I have to drive by my lonesome! But, its worth it! :)

1 can't|x| Hold me

[04 Nov 2004|10:39pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

My senior pictures are going to be beautiful, I cant wait to get them back!!

Tonight was ok. I was really depressed and there were a lot of people at Annes that I didnt want to be around. If Mike wouldn't of called me I dont think I would of left the house. Yeah. Im done with him. Completely and forever. He's 14. I need a man, not a boy. END. And, perferably one who hasnt died their hair to look like Eminem.

I missed Anne, Maria, and Marko so bad. I didnt realize it till I saw them. I miss my Shleynis too. Hardcore.

Saturday Im leaving for Juniata and I wont be back until Late sunday night for Im going to see Mest/hawthorne heghts/ and punchline. yea yeah mutha fucka

Anne is my hero. Why are people going o/w my dog and singing to her at night w/o me knowing? bahahahhahaha.

Im finished w/ 14yr old boys.

I need a boy. for real. My Jack. So I can be Sally. And we'll steal christmas and celebrate halloween. And we can go to the movies. And not watch the movie. And he wont fuck me over for my dog.

1 can't|x| Hold me

[03 Nov 2004|07:54pm]
All hail Silvia Brown.

She predicted it and the bastard got his 4 more fucking years.

Hopefully there is an assanation and we get a black president.. and I hope its Wil Smith. If Arnold can be a govenor Wil can be president.

...Im off to talk to my spirit guide
3 can't|x| Hold me

Kill me now, or forever hold your peace [02 Nov 2004|09:44pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

I am so sick of feeling like this, its not even funny. I dont even know whats wrong with me. Im having horrible mood swings. One second I HATE YOU AND I WANT YOU TO DIE the next I love you again. And no, its not just directed towards Mike, its everyone even you reading this right now. So, if you happen to catch me in one of those mood swings, I appologize.

I went to Target w/ my rents. I threw up in the parking lot.

I was freaking out hardcore today. My sister has no care in the world but me on the other hand am so fucking messed up and I hate it!! Its so fucking unfair how things are just handed to her on a silver platter! I cant find my wallet. Which means I cant buy cigarettes. Which means I got hardcore freaked out on by my dad today. I just found out about 5 min ago that Emily has it and I NEED to get it back.

Luckily I did get to vote today, and I voted Kerry. FUCKING RIGHT!

6 can't|x| Hold me

[02 Nov 2004|02:09pm]
I have no mother fucking motivation. My research paper still isnt done.

I want to fucking kill myself.

Im in the worst mother fucking fuck fuck mood! ARGGGGH.

dont even bother talking to me, I'll just shoot you in the fucking head!

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